Parenting is one of the most rewarding and challenging journeys in life. As parents, we often ask ourselves, “Am I doing enough for my kids?” For many, this means attending every soccer game, dance recital, or parent-teacher conference. While showing up for your child’s activities is important, there is a significant difference between being a good parent who is physically present and a great parent who is emotionally available. Let’s explore this difference and why emotional connection is the key to fostering a strong and healthy parent-child relationship.
Good Parents: Showing Up Physically
Good parents are involved in their child’s life. They attend sports events, school plays, and family functions, ensuring their child knows they are supported. This kind of involvement sends a clear message: “I care about what you do.”
While this level of commitment is commendable and necessary, it focuses primarily on external actions. Good parents often:
● Prioritize their child’s activities and achievements.
● Ensure their child has access to opportunities and resources.
● Offer encouragement and celebrate accomplishments.
These behaviors create a foundation of reliability and support, which are crucial for a child’s development. However, being physically present is only one piece of the parenting puzzle.
Great Parents: Showing Up Emotionally
Great parents take parenting to the next level by showing up not only physically but also emotionally. They go beyond attending activities and focus on understanding their child’s inner world—their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Emotional presence creates a deeper bond and fosters trust, resilience, and self-worth in children.
Here are some ways great parents show up emotionally:
Active Listening: Great parents truly listen to their children without interrupting or jumping to conclusions. They make eye contact, validate feelings, and show genuine interest in what their child has to say.
○ Example: Instead of saying, “You’re fine” when your child expresses frustration, a great parent might respond, “That sounds really frustrating. Do you want to talk about it?”
Empathy Over Solutions: Rather than immediately solving their child’s problems, great parents empathize and help their child navigate emotions. This teaches children how to process feelings and build emotional intelligence.
○ Example: “I can see how upset you are about losing the game. It’s okay to feel disappointed.”
Encouraging Emotional Expression: Great parents create a safe space for their child to express all emotions—not just the happy ones. They teach their children that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or scared, and they model healthy ways to cope with those feelings.
○Example: “It’s normal to feel nervous before a big test. Let’s talk about how you can manage those nerves.”
Communicating Beyond the Surface: Great parents engage in meaningful conversations beyond academics or extracurriculars. They ask open-ended questions that encourage their child to share thoughts and dreams.
○Example: “What was the best part of your day?” or “What’s something you’re really looking forward to right now?”
Modeling Vulnerability: Great parents show their children that it’s okay to be vulnerable by sharing their own feelings and experiences in age-appropriate ways.
○Example: “I felt really nervous during my meeting today, but I took a deep breath and reminded myself I could handle it.”
Why Emotional Presence Matters
Children thrive when they feel seen, heard, and understood. Emotional presence helps:
● Build Self-Esteem: When children know their feelings matter, they develop a stronger sense of self-worth.
● Enhance Emotional Regulation: By modeling healthy emotional responses, great parents teach their children how to manage their own emotions effectively.
● Strengthen Relationships: Emotional connection fosters trust and openness, creating a relationship that lasts well into adulthood.
Balancing Both Roles
Being a great parent doesn’t mean neglecting the importance of showing up physically. The key is balance. Attending your child’s activities and being physically present shows commitment, while emotional availability demonstrates that you value who they are beyond their achievements.
Final Thoughts
The difference between being a good parent and a great parent lies in the depth of connection. A good parent shows up for their child’s activities, cheering from the sidelines. A great parent goes further, sitting beside their child in moments of joy, sadness, and uncertainty, offering not just their presence but their heart.
It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being present in ways that truly matter. By showing up emotionally, you create a foundation of love and understanding that will support your child for a lifetime. After all, children may not remember every game you attended, but they will always remember if they felt like they had a connection with you emotionally.
By Crystal Frazier , Master of Social Work Intern
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