The holidays can be difficult for many and may not feel "merry" or happy. Various factors contribute to this: shorter days with little sunlight, cold weather, grief, loneliness, unrealistic expectations, financial stress, and family dynamics. Holidays are typically seen as a time for merriment, love, and connection with loved ones, but this isn't always the case. It's important to recognize how challenging this season can be. Differences in religious or political beliefs, lack of acceptance from family, and other issues can make this time especially tough.
Therapy or personal work can help you prepare for the holiday season. Setting boundaries and choosing not to attend certain events can be empowering, though it might bring its own sadness. If you decide to attend a family gathering, whatever the reason is, here are some ways to take care of yourself:
Have an Exit Plan: If you have a close family member, talk to them beforehand about how you'll leave if needed. If you don't have an ally there, arrange to text a friend who can check in with you.
Self-Soothing: Use your five senses to self-soothe. Wear something cozy, bring a water bottle with cold water or warm tea, save comforting pictures, videos, or quotes on your phone, wear essential oils, and bring gum or mints.
Orienting: In Somatic Experiencing, orienting means taking your attention outside of your body to your surroundings. Look around and let your eyes explore your environment. Find something pleasing or neutral to focus on.
Take a Break: Go to the bathroom, splash water on your face, and take several long, slow breaths. Step outside into the brisk air or find an empty room to regroup.
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe: Remember to breathe deeply and regularly. It's one of the most important self-regulation tools.
Touch or Physical Proximity: Touch can be very beneficial, so a hug or holding someone can help. If you prefer not to be touched, try self-soothing by rubbing your legs or hands together, or find a pet to cuddle.
Whatever emotions are present this season, make sure to be gentle with yourself. Hopefully these strategies can alleviate some difficult emotions. Just remember that whatever emotions show up, they are valid.
I am sending you light and love during this time.
Tate Goss (She/Her), LSCSW, LCSW
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