If you frequent any social media site, you will likely be bombarded with advertisements about diets and pictures of people looking very fit or thin. Our culture is obsessed with healthy eating, dieting, and looking a certain way (i.e., thin and/or muscular). Thus, we often feel pressured to change our diet and exercise regimen to try to look certain ways. However, changing our bodies is not that simple. The truth is that most diets fail. We may temporarily lose
weight, but often gain it back (and sometimes even gain even more weight than where we started!), all while making ourselves miserable in the process. You might be asking yourself, “is there a better way?” There is.
Body neutrality is the idea of coming to terms with how our bodies look. It lies in the middle of the spectrum between hating and loving how we look. Because it may be difficult for people to love how they look, neutrality is a better and more realistic option. Body neutrality entails being able to look in the mirror and think “this is my body” instead of “I hate how this part looks.” We do not get to pick the bodies we are given, but we do have to live with them. Body neutrality is a way to make that possible.
If you’re reading this and think body neutrality sounds unattainable, let’s pause right there. While it is a shift in mindset and may involve some hard work, it is attainable. A therapist (especially one who specializes in eating disorders and/or body image concerns) may be able to assist you in the process of working towards body neutrality. In the meantime, let’s look at some things you may be able to try:
Identify your negative self-talk: I say the first step is insight and awareness. We sometimes are not aware when our negative self-talk is happening, what triggers it, or how often we are doing it. For some individuals, most of our day could be spent with body negative self-talk.
Limit the number of times looking in the mirror: Some individuals will look at themselves in the mirror (or any reflective surface) any chance they get. This just gives our inner dialogue more chances to be negative to our bodies, especially early in the process. If possible, it is sometimes a good idea to limit our opportunities to look in the mirror, especially if we are doing this dozens of times per day. (If you are able, putting away the scale or throwing it out is also a good option!).
Use neutral terms: When looking at our bodies, can we start to change the inner dialogue we have? This can look like “this is an arm” instead of “my arm looks so [enter judgmental and negative word here]!” If able, we can also look in the mirror and identify traits about ourselves that are not appearance related. For instance, we can think “I am a good friend” or “I am caring.” These traits have nothing to do with and are more important than our body shape and size.
Acknowledge and appreciate what our bodies do for us: A way to work on body neutrality is to acknowledge all the things our bodies allow us to do, especially our favorite things. For instance, our legs allow us to go walking or hiking, our arms allow us to hug our loved ones, and our bodies allow us to enjoy our favorite foods and be nourished.
Offer kindness and understanding: When we are experiencing a difficult situation, we are often harder on ourselves than we would be on a friend or loved one who was experiencing the same thing. A good way to conceptualize this is to think of what you would say to a friend who is struggling with body image concerns. I imagine we would treat them a lot nicer than we treat ourselves.
In working with eating disorders and body image concerns, I will freely admit that some of these steps may take time to achieve. Working on body image concerns is a process, especially as body negativity is often years in the making. Still, I think the end result of freeing yourself from negativity and making peace with your body is definitely worth it. I hope you find peace with yours.
By: Jill Robinson, CFO, LSCSW, LCSW, MSW, RPT-S™, CAS, CAAPT
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